how-idps-model-answer-is-holding-your-score-back-a-band-9-audit

How IDP’s Model Answer is Holding Your Score Back: A Band 9 Audit.

IDP aren’t going to like this, but as a trained essay writer from the University of Cambridge, I can tell you that there are far far better ways to address this question

Essay type: Discussion essay – explore both views, include personal stance.

This is IDP’s Essay Writing advice

Essay Plan Example – Environment Topic

Sample Prompt: Some people believe all wild animals should be protected. Others say only certain species deserve protection. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Can you find the problems with the advice? Hint: what does the word ‘stance’ mean?

Prompt: Explain ways humans are damaging the environment. What can governments and individuals do to address these issues?

Introduction: Paraphrase prompt and introduce both perspectives. State personal position clearly. Body 1: Arguments for protecting all wildlife (e.g. biodiversity importance, ecosystem stability) Body 2: Arguments for protecting only selected species (e.g. public safety, controlling pests) Conclusion: Summarise both sides and reaffirm balanced opinion or stance.

Don’t paraphrase the question, lay out the positions. (see below)
Don’t just make a list of arguments. Task response requires you to ‘fully extend’ your argument. (you get band 6 for making a list with no reasons)
Conclusions generally restate findings rather than putting forward new opinons. This is because you need to show WHY you believe one or the other side is correct. Just saying ‘I agree that we should protect all animals’ is not enough. That’s a 6.5 band answer.
Don’t offer a ‘balanced opinion’. That makes no sense. Are you going to say ‘We should protect them ll, and we should only protect some’?

Academic Terms: for IELTS and University
1. In academics, we call these problems ‘holes’. They are technically called ‘logical fallacies’, a term you can use in your essays! (more on that here.)
2. Stance means ‘how you stand’ or ‘which side of the argument you stand on’. Academics also calls it a ‘position’.

Here’s the upgrade

Introduction: background+thesis (state the 1-2 reasons for ‘all species’)
Body 1: 1-2 reasons to protect all species. (all species are important to ecosystems) Add your positive or negative comment on this idea.
Body 2: 1-2 reasons for selected species (we cannot protect all, so only the important ones to the ecosystem= keep it alive) Add your positive or negative comment on this idea. When you add your ‘disagree’ comment to one of these, it will be a critique of the idea and this is good academics.
Conclusion: review the ideas (nothing new, just paraphrase yourself and state what has been found.)

Makes sense right? This way you get the depth and organisation you need for a high mark.

Let’s see an example.

One point about introductions, you can find it in depth here, that nobody talks about is that it should connect to your paragraphs. It makes no sense to write something general and disconnected and then go to specific points.

Compare these.

It is very good to take care of all animals and we should care, but some people think that only some species are important. (Band 6. it’s too general.)
Ecosystems are fragile and rely on many species to be healthy; however, only a few species are necessary to keep the system alive. (Band 9 because it outlines the background)

You can see that the second will lead to my arguments in the paragraphs. This allows the examiner to understand what I’m going to talk about right away. Also, it allows me to ‘fully explain’ my ideas and thus get band 9. More detail, more depth, more marks.

See my page on Discuss both views and your opinion to learn why these are often the most difficult to score highly on and how to overcome the challenges.

The IDP link is here