Health Agree/Disagree: How to Write Band 9 IELTS Essay

What do you think of this opening sentence by ‘IELTS-UP’?

IELTS-UP website answer “This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then describe the possible effects of the problem.“

Question:

Today more people are overweight than ever before.
What in your opinion are the primary causes of this?
What are the main effects of this epidemic?

It says it will look at the two questions given right? Seems ok…..

Compare band 6 and band 9 logic

In my opinion, people are overweight because they eat too much junk food. The effects of this are that people get sick and the government has to spend more money on hospitals.”
Capitalism has allowed corporations to sell junk food with low-nutrition , and as a result, people have become obese.
Capitalism has allowed corporations to sell calorie dense food with low-nutritional value as attractive, and as a result, obesity is leading to a surge in related diseases, stressing the medical system.

The third feels better right? It is doing a subtle but imporant thing, answering the question exactly.

The first leaves the examiner wondering if you will answer the question at all!

The second gives a response, but it isn’t full.

The third answer gives two causes and two effects, just like the question asked: “causes” and “effects”. For TR, you must be very careful to answer exactly.

Let’s take this to the next step, the paragraph.

IELTS-UP continue to the first paragraph: “In my opinion, the foremost causes of obesity are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits”. (they missed “an” before “inactive”.)

By now, you should know what’s wrong with this. These ideas should be in the thesis, like answer 3.

In sentence 1 of the paragraph, you can go deeper, explain the two reasons from the thesis: “Calorie dense food that is made with seed oils, white flour and sugar fills the shelves of supermarkets.” (more detail. more understanding. ‘fully explained’ is on its way.)

Health Essay Vocabulary & Samples: The Band 9 Standard

Try this prompt

“Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others, however, believe that governments should ensure their citizens are healthy. To what extent do you agree?

AI offers you standard level writing, and the logic is often weak.

Introduction (AI Written)

“People disagree on whether health is a personal choice or a government duty. While some say individuals should be in charge of their own habits, I believe the government must take the lead. This is because most health problems today are caused by the way our society is built, which is something a single person cannot change alone.”

Academic Commentary:

It should be ‘good’ or ‘correct because it’s AI right? Let’s see. “People disagree on whether (WAIT! who carees what ‘people’ disagree on. Who are these ‘people’? Nonsense) health is a personal choice or a government duty. While some say (The essay is about YOUR evaluation of the situation) individuals should be in charge of their own habits, I (don’t use “I” in writing) believe the government must take the lead. This is because most health problems today are caused by the way our society is built, which is something a single person cannot change alone.” (the idea is reasonable, but there’s no background. Let’s upgrade this.)

A strategic introduction for band 9

While governments have some power over things like public health information and corporations, the individual has the most immediate and influential influence over their own health. This essay will show that, with some education and lifestyle changes, people can ensure their own health. (We discounted government power and then suggested that individuals have fast and strong power over their health.) (You see how we stated an intelligent position based on our analysis of the situation/background? This is a response to the question. Saying what the question says is not a response, it’s repetition (band 6). Marks for band 9 come from your analysis and response.)

Public Health essay for band 9

Prompt: “Governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage better eating habits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Introduction *AI version. Find what’s wrong with it!

In many countries, rising obesity levels have led to a debate about whether the state should intervene by taxing junk food. While some people believe that individuals should be free to choose their own diet, I largely agree that a tax on unhealthy foods is a necessary step to improve public health and reduce the cost of medical care.

notes: ‘have led to a debate’ is saying nothing really. Can you think of something stronger?

We need to know what’s going on and why it’s a problem.

When we know it’s a problem that is serious, we know that it’s worth discussing and fixing!

Elite Writing Spot*
As obesity levels rise, diseases like diabetes are straining health systems financially and in terms of capacity. *big problem, needs a solution.

Body Paragraph 1:

The main reason why I support this tax is that price is a major factor in how people shop. Many people choose processed foods because they are cheaper than fresh produce. By making these “unhealthy” items more expensive, the government creates a financial reason for people to avoid them. For example, several countries have introduced a “sugar tax” on soft drinks, which has successfully led to a decrease in consumption. This shows that when the state makes bad habits more expensive, people are more likely to change their behavior.

Body Paragraph 2: Reducing the Burden on Hospitals

Furthermore, the revenue collected from these taxes can be used to improve the healthcare system. Lifestyle-related illnesses, such as heart disease and diabetes, put a massive strain on public infrastructure. If the government collects extra money from junk food taxes, they can reinvest that money into preventative healthcare or sports programs for children. This creates a cycle where the people buying unhealthy products are essentially helping to fund the solutions to the health problems those products cause.

Body Paragraph 3: The Counter-Argument (Addressing the Disagree side)

On the other hand, some argue that these taxes are unfair to low-income families. For many people living in poverty, fast food is the most accessible option, and a tax might just make their lives more difficult without actually improving their health. However, I believe this can be solved if the government uses the tax money to subsidize healthy foods like fruits and vegetables. If the “bad” food becomes expensive while “good” food becomes cheaper, the barrier for poor families is removed.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I agree that taxing unhealthy food is an effective way to encourage better eating habits. Although it may be seen as a burden on some, the long-term benefits of lower morbidity rates and a more sustainable healthcare system far outweigh the initial costs.