Health Two-Part IELTS Writing Task 2 Explained for band 8-9
The Best Paragraph Strategy
After reading, you will understand why most essay examples are band 6-7 and how to get a higher mark.
Question: More and more adults are playing computer games.
Why is this happening? Is this a good or bad trend?
Gemini AI
The primary cause for this shift is the superior cognitive engagement provided by interactive media compared to traditional, passive entertainment. In a global economy that demands constant problem-solving, adults are gravitating toward “load-bearing” leisure activities that mirror these challenges. Unlike television, which offers a static narrative,computer games require a constant feedback loop of decision-making and consequence. This cognitive “stress test” provides a sense of mastery and competence that many modern careers—often characterized by specialized, repetitive tasks—fail to provide. Furthermore, the digitalization of the “third space” has turned gaming platforms into essential social hubs. For many adults, a digital lobby serves as a more accessible and permanent community than a local park or social club, allowing for the maintenance of long-distance relationships through shared objectives.
your assessment:
Elite assessment:
Firstly, this paragraph contradicts itself. It starts by saying that in the global business world there is ‘constant problem-solving’, and then it goes on to say that jobs these days are repetitive. Band 6! This is a great example of sounding intelligent, but an examiner will pick up on this organisation and coherence problem.
I don’t like the idea of tagging ‘furthermore’ on to the paragraph. If you find yourself doing this, it’s probably because you haven’t explained the original idea well.
A ‘furthermore’ should be EXTENDING your explanation, NOT adding new ideas that won’t be explained.
That’s AI too!
ielts Liz
your assessment:
Elite notes: Right off the top, ‘appealed mainly to children’ is totally wrong. Video games in the early 80’s had mass appeal to adults.
Further, the repetition in ‘initially’ and then ‘when games first came out’ is a waste of words and lacks punch. Delete ‘initially’.
A list here is given, ‘visually appealing’, ‘very (terrible word) appealing’, etc are not developed, and this makes it a band 6. (You need to explain each of the points you propose in terms of their importance to explaining ‘why people play’. For example, “as graphics become more sophisticated (there’s your band 8-9 vocabulary), the worlds they create are more believable, making people feel that they are really in that world. (Ok it’s not a perfect explanation, but you get the idea).
We have an explanation of “adults want to hone tactics”, but we don’t know why they would want to do that or what kinds of games let them do that. In fact, most games these days have eliminated strategy and allow the user to simply follow the story without making difficult decisions.
Richard Elite
As pressure on adults to perform high-level jobs increases, a growing number of high-level managers and entry-level workers are choosing to escape from reality through video games. Rather than facing the pressures of modern life, a virtual environment presents a safe space to decompress. Escapism in games is attractive due to the overload of information imposed by social media and work obligations. The games take the user into a new world of fantasy that provides dopamine hits in a low-risk space. Games can be restarted or changed all together if one fails. Further, any pent up aggression can be released. As a result, fantasy becomes a place to inhabit when the world is overwhelming.
Notice that the opening sentence gives background and the reason.
We don’t need to make an argument in this paragraph, but we do need to consider depth.
Notice that i gave three ideas, escapism, safe space/decompress. This is enough in terms of the number of reasons. The next thing is to stop listing reasons and start explaining why they are true.
In the examiner’s mind, task response is a key area of focus because so many miss it.
Try writing this essay and submitting for assessment.
Now, you can assess these points in your own essay.
You are no longer in the dark.
You are actually able to write a better paragraph than GPT or IELTS Liz.
Doesn’t that feel great!
Get your essay assessed and verify your new skills and fix the other mistakes!
Meet the Teacher!
Hi I’m Geoff from Canada!
University of Cambridge graduate
25years of IELTS teaching experience
PGCE: Post Graduate Certificate in Education
Trinity Diploma TESOL
To improve further, check out these pages.
Structuring your two-part IELTS essay
Why You’ve Been Stuck — And Who Profits From That
They gave you word lists and synonyms.
They never told you that real vocabulary growth only happens when it’s trained under stress, inside structures, in real tasks.